Funny Campaign Slogans
By: Tim Smith
1- Read my lips, "I will raise taxes".
2- A little Viagra goes a long ways.
3- Voting for me is a vote against your mother-in-law.
4- I promise that I will do something.
5- When the going gets tough, I won't have internal affairs.
6- I promise to change.
7- Compromise is part of politics – both in principle and in morality.
8- I am good at looking busy.
9- I will answer all you letters with a thousand personal assistants.
10- If I can't, I'll blame and If it gets done, I'll take credit.
11- I promise that I will take what I don't have and give it to you.
12- I can make a lot of promises, but we all know that I won't be able to do many of them.
13- Real change is real hard – and then some.
14- If you earn it, we won't take all of it.
15- Everyone will be promised a good life through lots of taxation.
16- I had a wealthy neighbor that never gave me anything. I'm going to change people like that.
17- When I am done going into debt, I'll see if I have time to precisely cut a program or two.
18- I can tackle insurmountable problems through spending, taxation, and redistribution.
19- I will never print money to pay off debt. Instead, I will take it from you.
20- We all want to change, but does anyone have a quarter.
21- When it's hard to get going, I go home.
22- Judge me by what I say, not by what I do.
23- Smooth and suave is the mother of all politics.
24- I promise never to promise anything.
25- It's more important to vote than to understand the issues.
26- I promise that I will try to keep my promises.
27- If the first lady doesn't like it, maybe the first girlfriend will.
28- I will use my new powers to do great things.
29- I will put lemonade in all your drinking fountains and send a basket of chocolate to each person that votes for me.
30- It's not taxation without representation, it's me representing you and voting for higher taxes.
31- I will not guarantee anybody anything. Having a good life is up to you, not me.
32- I will try to abolish everything and increase the size of everything in the process.
33- I will never cut anything that hurts.
34- I promise that I will balance the budget as well as the average American balances their budget.
35- When earth, wind, fire, and ice creep around me, I will pray to the ACLU for rescue.
36- I will only lie when it is absolutely necessary, when it will advance my agenda, and when it makes things easier.
37- I love America so much, I will give everyone exactly what they want.
38- If anyone gets rich, I will confiscate and redistribute that wealth.
39- I promise to hide out at my ranch, and get lots of things done by fax.
40- I will allow big corporations to take away your homes, your land, and your inheritance, by the barrel of a gun, should you miss a couple payments.
41- I promise to take lots of nice vacations at your expense.
42- I look good don't I.
43- It's more important to look good than to be good. That's my motto.
44- I promise to only do things that my corporate political contributors will approve of.
45- I will govern according to the definition of is.
46- I am good at delegating.
47- I promise to sign anything that I need to.
48- I will be your faithful public servant.
49- God told me I should have this public office.
50- When the lights go out, mine come on.
51- I can do the hard things. I used to get beat up at school a lot and I still graduated.
52- It's not where your are born or what you say. It's what I will do after I say it.
53- Vote for me, I can talk and walk.
54- Vote for me, I can talk the talk.
55- Vote for me, I walk when I talk.
56- I promise to wear this shock collar. If I do anything contrary to my promises, push the red button.
57- The basis of this election is how much money I can make after I am elected.
58- Vote for me, I follow the letter of the law.
59- It's not so much what I will do, but how I do it that matters.
60- Please vote for me, the lesser of two evils.
61- I will take your past into the future.
62- I will blow up my opponents bridges.
63- You have to know I'm great. All that negative campaigning against my opponent should mean something.
64- I love you and want to serve you. Wait, where is that evil *(*&& opponent of mine.
65- If I make a lot of money from my position of power, I promise to cut some of your taxes.
66- Power! Give me more!
67- Some people need love and acceptance. I need power and admiration without morality.
68- The line between right and wrong is a vast chasm of grays.
69- I promise to only help the wealthy.
70- I will never help you unless the program is free.
72- I have always felt comfortable wielding a large stick and carrying it around.
73- I like power more than my opponent.
74- Please don't ask, because I won't tell.
75- My feet are larger than my hands and my _____ is larger than my _____.
76- If you vote for me, I'll vote for you.
77- Vote for me, I'm a minority.
78- If I can do it I will, If I can't you can kick my ass.
79- Under-taxation is the root of my proposal.
80- If you like tea, please vote for me.
81- I am the sugar in your tea. Without me, the tea party is distasteful.
82- I will abolish everything I can with a big wrecking ball type diplomacy.
83- I am the donkey in your elephant.
84- I promise to play a lot of pin the tail on the donkey.
85- I promise to eat that elephant.
86- When elephants sit on you, there isn't much room for debate. Vote for me and remove that elephant.
87- I'm as stubborn as a donkey, as smart as an elephant, and as wise as a tea bagger.
88- I'm as humble as the donkey and as proud as the elephant. It all depends on the situation.
89- Vote for me, I used to work in Vegas as a face contortionist.
90- I understand how to lie to the right people at the right time and in the right way.
91- Vote for me, I used to be on the P.T.A.
92- Knowing how far to bend something without breaking it is an art form I have mastered.
93- I will be a good master.
94- The tasks ahead may be deep, the roads may need repair, but don't despair for I am here.
95- My many days of experience in bridge burning has set me to understand just how to start building bridges.
96- If everybody is wrong, I will agree with them. If everyone is right, I will also agree.
97- My skin is so thick, my wife calls me elephant butt.
98- Since a small boy, my greatest desire has been to rule and succeed at ruling.
99- You will never know who is in my back pocket because I always use the front pockets.
100- Vote for me, I have spent many years in creating and developing secret pockets.
101- The aliens have decided to vote for me. The only problem is that they may not be legal citizens.
102- I will create an alien abduction program.
103- With your vote, I will create more aliens through alien baby reproduction.
104- Happiness is living off the Bob Dole.
105- Anybody can act, but can they act it out well like me.
106- My wardrobe and hair look perfect and that should be enough.
107- I didn't vote for anything you didn't like.
108- Don't mistake my lack of experience for my lack of caring.
109- What I give, I give. What I don't I don't.
110- Even Clinton and Bush agree that I am a great basketball player.
111- I will pass lots of new laws and only enforce those that are important to my constituents.
112- Anybody can pass a bill, the hard part is to get it funded and working. I get that.
113- I can out trick the tricky Nickys.
114- If you scratch my back, I'll rub yours.
115- If a corporation spills a bunch of oil, I will kick their ass as soon as I find out which ass needs it most.
116- If some large corporation asks for trillions, I will hand it over.
117- I will never reduce red tape for small business.
118- I pledge only to bail out the super rich.
119- I will make every attempt to snuff out small business.
120- The faith of many walk on my back as I carry them to safety.
121- If it looks like crap and tastes like crap, it may actually be a rose.
122- If I smell good and sound good and taste good, I may actually be a piece of crap.
123- What nobody else did for you, I can do without any troubles.
124- Something will change, what exactly that means is yet to be determined.
125- I have never inhaled.
126- I don't have deep pockets, but I know people that do.
127- I can fill big shoes because I wear a size 12.
128- The taller I get, the harder it is to find my wallet.
129- If my toes would stop getting stepped on, I could really start running with the ball.
130- Food tastes great as long as it's late.
131- Catering to minority groups is what I am best at.
132- Vote for me because I give great speeches.
133- The aliens that were recovered from Area 51 want me in power.
134- I promise to be as logical as Captain Spock and as fun as Captain Kangaroo.
135- The moral of my story is money for me and debt for you.
136- After watching some of our past presidents success, I feel I am overqualified for this position.
137- I'm not a peanut farmer, an actor, an organizer, or a lawyer.
138- I will make all the road signs glow in the dark.
139- In the year 2250, I will send a manned mission to mars.
140- I will tolerate the unjust for the benefit of the just.
141- Whenever I hear the word WATER....I'll stop doing whatever it was I was doing.
142- I won't get assassinated because my skin is too thick.
143- I have a dream that I will do a good job.
144- My mother had a dream I would finish high school.
145- Doing well is the mother lode of all productivity.
146- When it comes to theft, it makes no difference whether I am a clown or a robber or a politician. However, the rules apply differently to each.
147- Vote for me, I will send you a card on your birthday.
148- When in doubt, I put out.
149- If you think you can, you can and I can (not ICANN)
150- I can never be indicted. So many people have tried that before and they all have failed.
151- I will never tolerate terrorism, but I am a terror to the Bush administration.
152- Vote for me, I am a certified genius.
153- I can do for you everything I've always wanted to do for myself, but failed.
154- When there is a pain in my ass, I'll keep on truckin'.
155- Cannibals consider me a most tasty choice.
156- I can change a light bulb without a bureaucrat telling me how to do it.
157- I can change a light bulb without going into debt for it.
158- I will change a light bulb so that my grandkids don't have to.
159- In a jiffy, I'll make it in 50.
160- If you've got the money, I've got the time.
161- I will go! I will do! Whatever that I want!
162- When world peace finally arrives, I'll throw a huge party.
163- It's better to embrace corruption than fight it.
164- A candidate by any other name is not a rose.
165- Be Strong!Be Brave! Don't Be Stupid!
166- If you don't vote for me, you are soooooo stupid.
167- I appeal to everybody in one way or another.
168- I will restore freedom by enacting new and more numerous law restrictions.
169- I will start a red tape decorating service.
170- I am behind the table and that's where I need to be to make behind the scene deals.
171- Rules are made to help us be great and that's the best rule to live by.
172- My opponent has brought up many facts that I was unaware. I am so grateful for his great ideas and honesty.
173- I will walk twice as far as honest Abe did to save every penny possible.
174- When I was a small boy, I cut down my mothers cherry tree.
175- My big nose was handed down to me by my royal blood line.
176- It's not whether you do drugs or not, it's whether the jurisdiction allows for it.
177- I will support free speech you dirty *#($ *#($ *#(# #*#*# #*#(.
178- The tightness of my new face will eventually wear off and loosen up.
179- Vote for me, I will subsidize breast enlargement surgery.
180- Measure twice and cut once is not quite correct. It's much better to cut it out first and ask questions later.
181- What I have found to be true is that I never know which way I will stand on the issues.
182- I will not go to war based on false intelligence.
183- I have a keen sense of smell. I can smell a rat anywhere.
184- The only thing I could possibly squash is your dreams, your economic stability, and your morality.
185- A vote for me is a vote for you.
186- Stephen King approves this message.
187- Donald Trump showed me a new way to do hair.
188- Paid for by The People to Annihilate Corrupt Public Officials.
189- I make no mistakes because I never do anything.
190- I know how to hide, how to mislead, and how to coerce.
191- I'm quick and dirty – like Dirty Harry.
192- I promise to go on live television and tell jokes once a week.
193- If I'm elected, I promise to make you laugh so hard that you pee your pants.
194- Do something crazy once in a while – Vote For Me.
195- Abba says, "Take a chance on me".
196- It's only just begun, you're pain. Too many roads to choose from.
197- If I'm elected, I will put lipstick on all the pigs.
198- Sarah Palin thinks I'm cute.
199- Vote for me, I'm not as old as that guy.
200- There should be a new amendment to the constitution that reads out with the old, in with the new.
201- I promise to advocate term limits as soon as I am out of office.
202- I will never vote for a raise for myself unless my constituents lead the way to it.
203- I promise to spray myself with real skunk spray after every pork barrel.
204- I will convert to Judaism to help me remember to avoid pork.
205- I always like my pork tender, lean, and stuffed up someones ass.
206- I am very careful as to what pork I am willing to eat.
207- Like Michael Jackson sings, "Just Eat It!"
208- I do not support pork barrels, I support pork dump trucks.
209- "Correction Sir, that was pork you just ate."
210- The reason I ate so much pork was because of all the chickens running around everywhere.
211- The game of Donkey Kong is just like real life. You get to jump over lots of pork barrels on the way to get what you really love.
212- I used to play goalie and now I know how to make lots of saves.
213- I know when to pitch, bat, bunt, umpire, or manage. The hard part is knowing which person I am at the time.
214- I will redefine the word term to come up with new laws about term limits.
215- My college job was to get rid of peoples junk and I think that makes me well qualified to lead this country.
216- I will determine peoples sex with a vote.
217- People that were born a certain way will not be allowed to act on it unless approved by Barney Fife.
218- Vote for me, I'm gay, heterosexual, black, white, hispanic, and an immigrant all rolled into one.
219- If something gets spilled, I will make sure it gets cleaned up.
220- I will speed up global warming because the earth is cooling.
221- I promise to end the space program in favor of alien managed health care.
222- I will keep everyone healthy by removing sugar, fast food, restaurants, and candy.
223- I will set up death panels for you.
224- I will make the tax code so complex and convoluted that only the top three tax lawyers in the world will understand a portion of it.
225- I will confiscate all 401k pensions for government use.
226- Obamacare, I don't really care.
227- My secure ability to confiscate will be balanced by my ability to obfuscate.
228- If it aint mine, I can still claim it.
229- I got where I am today without working hard, being smart, and giving good speeches.
230- Marriage is between man and man, man and beast, man and thing, or man and woman – it's all good.
231- I was born to be a gay basher, but I never acted on my inclinations.
232- The only thing I fear are honest people that are brave enough to do something about it.
233- My wife used to be a man.
234- I love Oprah – don't you.
235- I can wear any hat or any shoes you throw at me.
236- I will be hard to assassinate because I am so good at sneaking around.
237- I often skirt around the issues at internal affairs.
238- I will become the first woman president and that will certainly help improve the status of all the stay at home dads in America.
239- I never succeeded at a lot of things, but persistence got me where I am today. Likewise, I will stick to action until things are resolved satisfactorily.
240- I will give you liberty, if you give me love.
241- The sneakiest thing I ever did was run as a democrat when I was a republican.
242- It doesn't matter that I am 95 years old, my mother lived to be 135.
243- I will speak in an Austrian accent, work out diligently, and take off my shirt at political conventions.
244- I will put a wireless tracking device on all public employees and allow the public to view their actions over the internet at all times.
245- I will continue to import science without further developing our own education programs.
246- I will primarily work on public relations and getting reelected.
247- Three votes for me is one vote for Obama one vote for Bush and one vote for a cross between Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi (not sure what to call that one).
248- None of us will live long enough to pay off the debt. Let's stop worrying about it and make merry and sing.
249- What does a pig and a dog have to do with this? If you vote for me, I'll wag my tail like a dog and spend like a pig.
250- Anyway is better than no way.
251- I love you, you love, me, let's make voting fun for me.
252- It's often said how crazy a republican I am because I have such a tender heart.
253- It's often a bit of courageous zeal that makes me say the wrong thing.
254- I can do it and so can you.
255- It's not what I can do for you, it's what I can't do for you that you should be concerned about.
256- Many affairs makes one stronger and more likable.
257- When I first woke up in the morning, I ate some toast and read the paper just like many of you.
258- When #$%@ happens, I blame it on my wife instead of all of you.
259- Voting for a democrat is about as responsible as corporate welfare.
260- Republicans like fat elephants because their main goal in life is obesity in the pocket.
261- How many goals can one person have without getting into trouble?
262- Vote for me, my mother says I will make a good president.
263- If I am elected, I will move out of my mother's home.
264- I won't allow my mother to make all the decisions.
265- My wife is passive enough that I will get to make most of the decisions.
266- With great vigor and great might I bring you this fortuitous speech.
267- Let's make it fun this open season.
268- Caveat Emptor applies to my opponent – not me.
269- I am not an emperor and I have clothes.
270- The red, white, and blue are coming for you.
271- The ingenious ripeness of my jokes is starting to waft into an absolute epiphany.
272- Votes are those things I want from you in exchange for promises that I may or may not keep.
273- I wasn't faithful to my wife, but I will be faithful to all of you.
274- Lying is part of the job.
275- Nothing is a lie. It all depends on your perspective and mine changes a lot.
276- You can see I love America by my hanging down baggy pants and my flag boxers.
277- My wife has a silk flag bra. Should any of you vote for me, I'll let you see her in it.
278- Vote for me, my stinky farts can only be smelled by the other party.
279- I was a democrat until I became converted to productivity.
280- I was a republican until I developed a soft heart.
281- What hurts me the most are the lies. THE TERRIBLE LIES!
282- I wasn't aware of my dishonest nature until the indictment process was already underway.
283- I will never get impeached for something I didn't do.
284- I pass the ultimate litmus test. The democrats think I'm cold and cruel and the republicans think I'm a softy.
285- I will only elect judges that know how to legislate from the bench.
286- Vote for me, I am good at filibusters.
287- I used to program in Cobol, but now I program in people talk.
288- It doesn't matter what I say or do, my subliminal message system has you under my power.
289- I got the power!!
290- I don't know where the transparency was lost and the corruption began.
291- Vote for me, I have a transparent heart, a transparent brain, and transparent morals.
292- Just tell me what it is you want and then I can know what promises to make.
293- For my new constituents, I present the cheese (people with deep pockets), the wine (people that love to party), and the crackers (the crazy ones).
294- Getting things done is more about making behind the scene deals than any type of convictions or debating ability.
295- The only absolute I will adhere to is compromising integrity to get the job done.
296- I love a good campaign filled with love and admiration for each party and each opponent.
297- Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. He didn't know I was going to fall.
298- Old Mother Hubbard had a bare cupboard from all of my socialistic policies.
299- I am your shepherd and shall leave you in want.
300- The illuminati made me do it.
301- What I meant was, I am for term limits after I leave office.
302- I'm am your humble public servant - kickbacks and raises anyone?
303- A new world order is one world that shall be under my power.
304- If the Feds print the money, why do we borrow it from China and Japan.
305- I promise never to balance a budget, pay off a debt, or eliminate waste.
306- I promise to cross the road to force my policies upon you.
307- The pen is mightier than the sword because the pen is enforced by the power of the gun.
308- Vote for me, I love long speeches, winded debates, and all day meetings.
309- I will get It done. It all depends on your definition of it.
310- My campaign promises come from the bottom of my heart.
311- It's been a burly campaign, but look at my hairy back and know I am neanderthal magnifique.
312- Come sit on my hog while I drive you into the twenty first century.
313- I have always believed righty tighty lefty loosy.
314- I am real and my opponent is impersonating Bill Clinton.
315- When Dr. Phil says get real, I get real angry.
316- I promise to have lots of public parties at the playboy mansion.
317- I didn't inhale, but I will make it so you can.
318- I will never hire an economist that is concerned about the relationship between guns and butter.
319- I promise to make sure the economics advisor has one arm.
320- I am sorry about your arm, do you know what side of the debate your are on now?
321- I was a democrat until I learned to read.
322- I was a republican until I learned to care.
323- Don't judge me by my past, judge my by my future.
324- In light of the new evidence, I am no longer in the running.
325- I may be a negative campaigner, but I can assure you I'm a positively pain in the ass.
326- I will make it abundantly clear that there isn't anything a donut can't do.
291- I will make sure that the police are not allowed to eat donuts or allowed to be obese.
292- I will make free donuts available to all and pay for it through social security or medicare.
293- I will provide for the general welfare by violating the 27 amendments to the constitution.
327- I may have said those bad things, but I do have right to freedom of speech as outlined in the first amendment.
328- Rush Limbaugh made me do it, he's making me crazy.
329- Glen Beck is my hero.
330- When in doubt, I pull out.
331- The devil made me do it.
332- My new cabinet will be Rush Limbaugh (public relations), Sarah Palin (Corruption Killer), and Glen Beck (moral supremacist).
333- My A.A. Program has really helped me improve my communication skills.
334- My platform is anarchist conservatism.
335- My penny pinching skills are legendary.
336- I can take on corruption without offending anyone.
337- When it hurts the most, is when I like to boast.
338- I will use the ultra low ELF waves to change the weather to your liking.
339- If I am elected, I can put a good word in to Nibiru for you.
340- I have a proprietary virus that controls all programmers that live in the sun and control us.
341- I talk to dead people and that gives me access to all the great founding fathers.
342- I will put all the democrats into the great void (i.e. holes) on the ends of the earth.
343- I will force each republican to spend a penny on someone else.
344- I will do embarrassing things for your pleasure – like dancing the funky chicken.
345- I promise to eat everything I see that looks good.
346- The only reason I went bankrupt is because I gave all my money away.
347- I promise to abolish all government programs.
348- The entire government will be run on a voluntary basis only.
349- I always chew gum to keep my breath fresh and to help me think about baseball.
350- The reason I chew so much tobacco is to help the tobacco companies and that creates a lot of good jobs for everyone.
351- I am going to wring my opponents neck as soon as I get a chance.
352- What makes the US so great is its moral supremacy.
353- What I learned in high school has always been a valuable life tool.
354- I shaved my head so that I could fit in with certain extremist groups to gather information.
355- I have never been afraid to be so good that people hate me.
356- The reason I am persecuted is for my martyr status.
357- I promise to kick anybodies ass that opposes me.
358- This is the right campaign and that is why it has no slogans left.
359- This is the left campaign and that is why it has no slogans right.
360- I am so conservative that Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin invited me to their wedding.
361- I paid 200k to get something juicy against Glen Beck, but it didn't seem to help.
362- In these difficult times, I am glad that I have advisors to take over for me.
363- For every conceivable problem, in our country, I will appoint a czar to take care of it.
364- I have always had a hard time believing in altruism.
365- The greatest virtue of man is his ability to harness the power of nature to enslave all mankind.
366- I have the virtue of selfishness.
367- I do not act out on my inborn homosexual bashing tendencies.
368- Just accept me the way I am.
369- If you are going to get blamed for it, you might as well do it.
370- Will somebody blame me for having an affair?
371- When it comes to politics, I have a one track mind.
372- The little parasitic shadow people support my views.
373- If it's free, I'll take it.
374- I can see a lot of paranormal activity in the democratic party.
375- The shadow people live in the republican party and feed off the proletariat.
376- I promise an annual slip and slide party on the White House lawn.
377- The aliens have landed and want me to be their leader.
378- The irony of my politics resides in the residue of my face contortionist.
379- If I don't take some income away, I will call it your raise.
380- The annual government elimination program will cost 784 billion dollars.
381- There are two kinds of waste #1 and #2 and they both go to the same place.
382- Acorn has more to do with unauthorized #2 and lying about #1.
383- Vote for me, it's free.
384- If you vote for me, I promise to be more controlling than your mother-in-law and to nag more than your spouse.
For more wild and even funnier slogans, please visit Safety Slogans. They are a collection of the most unsafe and craziest slogans you may have never heard.